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Indian Life

• You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
• You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage, which is just 50 Kgs overweight.
• There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
• Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
• Everyone is a family friend.
• You read law, medicine or engineering at university.
• You were thick so you read computer science or business instead.
• You know no one who has read music.
• You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
• You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
• You like the meat well done.
• You eat onions with everything.
• You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
• You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
• You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
• You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
• You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
• You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
• You secure your baggage with a rope.
• You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
• You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
• You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
• Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
• You hide everything from your parents.
• Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
• You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
• Everyone always called you for help on homework.
• You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished college.
• You make tea in a saucepan.
• Your best friend got married at the age of 16.
• You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
• You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family...for a while at least.
• You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
• You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.
• (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.
• (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm.
• You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
• When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning.
• Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you.
• To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.
• You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku.
• Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not.
• If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late.
• You have never met half of your extended family.
• Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.
• A horoscope must decide your wedding date.
• Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
• You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot".
• Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.
• You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.
• In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone book.
• WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
• You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.
• Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
• Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
• You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents always talk about businesses...especially if they're for sale.
• The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking about them.
• At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India, or UK".
• No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
• Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer.
• You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India".
• And, finally, you tear you hair out explaining why this is right and your parents don't listen. When an outsider says the same thing, it is accepted at once as the gospel truth.